Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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