Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I need water and some morals
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
