apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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