It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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