but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
