i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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