i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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