now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
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i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
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I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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