the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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