update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Barsexuality is the new black.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
