told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
