people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
