imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Randomize
