too bad you live with your parents still
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
