So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Dick very happy bro
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
