The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize