I will die if light touches me.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
