So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
