"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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