Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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