i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
