thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
