woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I believe in your delicious
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
