How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
high people should be assigned attendants
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
