eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
