And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
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