I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize