Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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