Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize