So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
