Dual....:-)
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
