my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just gift wrapped bread.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
