Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may now shotgun with the bride
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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