After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
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Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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