she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
