He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
