If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
