just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
