I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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