You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
