totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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