Don't you send me to vm
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
