Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
