that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I AM VODKA MAN
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
