Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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