you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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