Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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