If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm passing your future prison.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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