Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
