I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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