Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
