Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
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Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
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btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
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