Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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