worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
