I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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