ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
