I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
