I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
