I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
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He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
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Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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