Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
