My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
