when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
