You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
