Moan for me like Helen Keller
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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